The Only Mashed Tater Recipe You Need

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and even though there’s about a million different ways to make mashed potatoes there may not be a more essential side dish on the menu. Everyone’s got their own little tweaks. Some keep the skins on and some don’t. Some use sour cream and some use cheese. Some mash it thru a fine sieve and the rest of us don’t have that much time on our hands.

This is not a fancy, artisan; hipster incarnation of what should always be a decidedly un-fussy type of side. This recipe is for straightforward, creamy, buttery, garlicy mashed goodness. It’s not at all good for you, but that’s kinda the point. Believe me, I’m all about eating well, but once this starchy deliciousness becomes healthy…freedom is dead and the terrorists win. It’s Thanksgiving. Do yourself a favor and indulge in this rich pillowy goodness.

TATER STUFF

• 5 lbs. Yukon Gold Potatoes
• 16 oz. Kerrygold Salted Butter (treat yo self to the good stuff)
• 1-ish qt. Heavy Cream
• ¼ cup Kosher Salt (basically a nice handful of the stuff)
• 4 tsp. Garlic Powder
• 4 tsp. Fresh Ground Pepper

PREP THEM TATERS

Peel all those golden nuggets. Or better yet, convince someone else to do it. I always manage to pawn it off onto my wife and nieces/nephews. Makes them feel like they’re helping, which honestly…they are. I hate peeling potatoes.

Once your loved ones are done with the work that should be set aside for prisoners, cut the potatoes in half and put them in a giant pot. Fill said pot with water and a good handful of kosher salt. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat. Once that’s accomplished, turn the heat down to medium-high and let it go for about 20 minutes, or until the potatoes are fork-tender. What’s “fork-tender” you ask? Take a fork and stab one of them taters. Does it easily go into that nugget of starch without meeting any resistance? That’s fork-tender. Now put down that beer and get a big ass colander ready to go in the sink. Time to pour hot potatoes and scalding hot water into it.

TATER SMASH!!!

Once you’ve drained the potatoes, pour them back into the pot they were in and add that gloriously rich Irish butter. Now, you don’t HAVE to use Irish butter, but trust me…this stuff must have been blessed by the Guinness and Jameson Fairy combined. It’s just that much richer and creamier and awesomer than any butter you’ll ever have. Sure, it’s a little more expensive than regular butter, but c’mon. Impress that family of yours (especially the in-laws).

Once the butter is added to the pot, start mashing while those spuds are good n hot. Now, some people use an electric mixer, but I say a-pox on them. You’re already gonna consume enough calories to feed a small 3^rd World Country, so you might as well work them shoulders and tri’s. Use one of those hand held potato mashers. In all seriousness though, it actually does lend itself to a better-finished product.

Once the butter is combined, add the pepper, garlic powder and ½ of the heavy cream. Mash/stir to combine and give it a little taste. Is it salty enough? If so, put the kosher salt away. Nobody likes over salted potatoes. If you think they might need more salt, no problem. Just add a little more and stir. Taste it again and repeat the previous thought process.Now, notice I said to add ½ of the cream. I say this because some people like thicker potatoes than others. If they’re to the preferred consistency with only half the cream, you’re done. Serve them up and indulge. If you want them a little creamier, then…well…add more of the cream. I like mine creamier, so I usually end up using almost the whole quart of cream. Also, as the potatoes sit, they will absorb more of the cream and become thicker because, ya know… science.

Serving suggestion? These potatoes are badass on their own, but hey…it’s Thanksgiving. Drown ‘em in gravy and scoop it up with pieces of turkey, or whatever it is that you veg-heads have in place of meat. Not judging. Nothing but love.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!